I am not my hair...but I really am

I am absolutely distraught! Okay so my hair cut turned out absolutely AMAZING! It's fierce to the max! I realized that short hair is a lifestyle, so I adapted to the lifestyle it's glamorous so after I got my hair cut I got my eyebrows snatched, put some lashes on and some big earrings with my ever so faithful cultured by Mac gloss and I was 3 snaps fabulous feeling myself. There was a TV game at Bowie Saturday so I decided to surprise my teammates and come to the game with my new do and everyone LOVED MY HAIR! Even Coach T. who lives by the hash tag #longhairdontcare, so one would only assume I was feeling myself, yes Indeed. Sunday morning at church was a repeat of the game Saturday everyone LOVED my little bald self so you could only imaging that after so much positive feedback on my hair I would continue to be high on life. but of course that wouldn't last long it would only be right that the universe hates me as usual. My hair has started to fall out the first 8 strands I accidentally pulled out was shocking to say the least, however it still did not hot me that my hair is going to continue to fall out until there is no more.

Last night when I was finally ready to tap out for the evening the shedding only got worse and 8 strands quickly multiplied to 50 strands. I ran my fingers through my hair and a handful came out. I instantly lost my mind and began crying uncontrollably even though I cut my hair so that my hair falling out would not be so bad and I could feel in control of my hair loss it was a big fat lie and I cried, I cried hard and ugly. There is a song by India Arie called I am not my Hair. If you haven't listened to the song it's a great song you feel super empowered when you listen to it. Especially with all the unfortunate hair complexes that many black women have. I would love to say that I was not one of them but I am.

I loved my hair and if you know me personally you know how serious I am about my hair. My hair always looks BOMB DIGGITY!!!! Like fresh pin curls everyday! My hair always looked full, healthy, shiny and everyone always told me your hair looks good! Even when I cut my hair everyone STILL loved the little bit of hair I did have because I styled that hair dooowwwnnnn over the course of two days that have passed everyone still wanted my hair. I could step out in a paper bag but my hair would be laid. Sweat pants, no make-up crust in my eyes and you would still say my hair looked great. So I am my hair! I took pride in my luscious locks of hair, and now that it's falling out I'm mortified. I have not come to the terms that my hair is falling out and will continue to fall out, honestly I don't know when I will. I know it will grow back and according to my research when my hair grows back its going to be even more amazing then before and I may have a new natural hair color and I'm pretty much guaranteed an even more amazing texture then I had before, and let me tell you my texture was one to be envied.

Truth is I had a breakdown about my hair the one thing I though I actually prepared myself for. Okay so scratch every thing before and we shall start again. First my hair breakdown made one thing clear I am not prepared for the hair loss, skin discoloration, weight loss or any of the side effects of chemotherapy. Second, one can not properly prepare for the point unseen beyond the horizon until its reached, and third I need a new plan like now.

XOXO,
Marecya

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