Truth is

Over the past few weeks I know I have been missing in action and I know many of my readers have been ready to put out an APB on my whereabouts. I first off want to apologize for the lapse in blog posts. Secondly I want to be real with you all as I said I always would be. Depression is real. I'm at the point where I don't want to do anything, and I am unmotivated to even get out of the bed in the morning. I feel like a failure, like I am not myself. It's not even about my hair anymore it's about how I actually feel about myself, and it's nothing positive. I try not to stress about it but I'm honestly tired of cancer, I am sick of it to my stomach. I've cried so hard about it that I turn red in the face and I cant breathe, then my chest starts hurting and to sum it all up I make myself sick thinking about CANCER and the effect it has put on my life.

Through prayer and alienating myself from everything to focus on what is making me feel this way, I still don't have answer. So I am revisiting a lot of issues here for you. God is able to do all things, yes we know and although my faith is stronger then ever sometimes I just get frustrated not only with myself but God. I get frustrated with God for putting me in this position to be so strong. I feel like I have this great support system and everyone commends me for being so brave and strong but I cry every night. I am tired and worn out. Through the journey I know he is using me for his glory and I'm okay with that, but I just want others to know that while I am not a basket case and not to feel sorry for me to remember while your lives are moving mine is on hiatus. The stress is overwhelming and it makes me have these moments where I just want to crumble. I'm not sure what part of the test this is but I can't say i'm passing with flying colors.

XOXO,
Marecya

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Forgive me please

I have not forgotten about my readers. I needed a break from everything momentarily. New posts coming soon.

XOXO,
Marecya

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Snow Storm Blues

Halfway thru my chemo appt this morning and rough is not even the word for what my morning has been. Of course on my week of chemo a snow storm decides it wants to just slide on thru the DMV. Now y'all know by now I NEVER want to go to chemo, like never in the mood. So you would think that hearing my father tell me at 6:30am not to go I would be trilled right??? WRONG!!! Missing chemo today would have meant coming in here on a Saturday.... And I am all the way not about that life! So after my friend Angie struggled to get me out of bed I was calling in my chemo and ready to shower, change, and get thru the rainy snow on to Johns Hopkins. To top my morning off Ali and her film crew came to see me during treatment today. In all honesty guys I've been blessed with a positive outlook and upbeat spirit so if you didn't know me or read my blog you would never know I had ovarian cancer... Well maybe other than my lil crystal ball lol. So the crew wanted to get some shots of me while actually getting treatment since any other time I'm smiling, face beat to perfection, laughing, cheering, and flipping around. I'm glad they came it gave me the quick boost I needed to get thru the last 2hrs of treatment today.

XOXO,
Marecya

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Motivation from my motivators

What keeps me strong you ask... You my readers. My subbies, the ones who are rooting for me everyday. I salute you.

XOXO,

Marecya

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#BSURUNSCIAA

Wow. The weekend I had was amazing. I went to Charlotte for the CIAA Tournament. I was excited to go because it was going to be a nice ending to my senior season that had already been butchered thanks to Ovarian Cancer. So Thursday morning I made the trip to Charlotte with Vivica. Thursday Night the men played Lincoln University of PA and they won! Friday night they played Winston Salem State University and they won again. They were going to the championship!!!! My freshman year the women's team made it but since then we have not made it past the semi finals with either team. Saturday night the arena was packed and the men won!!! Bowie State University are the men's 2013 basketball champions. Can you say bragging rights for the year. That wasn't even the best part being apart of the routine on super Saturday was amazing. It was a movie, when the entire bobcats arena stood up and applauded me and the way I am standing up to cancer. It was everything I could have ever needed. I got compliments from SWV, Hosea Chanchez (Malik from The Game), Mr. CIAA and pretty much every one else at the arena. It was awesome. To see that all these people that had no idea who I was prior to me tumbling out and hopping in the performance were showing me so much love. They were so inspired by my energy and my spirit it was amazing. I loved this weekend it gave me nothing but positive energy going in my week of chemo. Lets see how long this high lasts.

XOXO,

Marecya

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