1 Year and where is the change?

Last year I was having surgery. On November 1,2012 I was having my second surgery to remove another tumor. One year later here I am looking back and what do I have to say. Nothing positive. I have spent the last year of my life trying to find normal and I still have yet to do so. I fool myself everyday thinking I am normal. Well, I'm not in the slightest bit normal. You see cancer changed my life no matter how you look at it. I have become a different person beause of it. Last tuesday I was sitting in my aunts kitchen and she told me how proud she was of me, but she see this new peronality I have taken on that most peopleare not ready for.

Truth is when I found out I had cancer it broke my spirit and I thought I was going to die, an sometimes I dont think I will ever wake up from this nightmare. When you have surgery, then chemo, then have tests ran on you like your a lab rat almost bi-weekly you begin to think that is normal. Sad part is I can't say I remeber normal. I look at my friends and the only thing I do they they are doing is in school trying to graduate. Other then that they're the aliens in my world..LOL!

Pushing forward is tiring and honestly I would rather give up, sometimes the thought of giving up is easier then being poisoned with IV therapy, pills and radiation. Then I get the one text I need from a supporter telling me God has bigger plans for me. If I could pay to see these plans believe me I would. So to the woman named Cynthia Hawkins telling me to read Psalms 11, oh how you spoke to my life this morning and got me out of the bed. Verse 1 alone "In The Lord I put my trust;..." I will let that simmer on you all untll tomorrow.

XOXO,

Marecya

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