Monday, May 19, 2014

Can you say AMAZING!!!!!

From surgery to recovery back to surgery again there is one person I can say I don't deserve for them to be so nice to me, because I'm a pain in the butt. Jayde A. Gavin better know as Jay, also known as my ying to my yang, my left brain, my other half, my rib, my sugar lumps, my heart, my loving boyfriend has put up with my lack there of health from the beginning  Okay, I know you all are probably dying for the story with this guy, so i'll dish. 3 years ago I was a working woman on a life mission and I was motivated by money. I had 2 jobs one at the USDA, and the other at Texas Roadhouse. I was smart my government job was the money I saved and Texas Roadhouse was my play money.

So one day while I was at Texas Roadhouse ready to gouge my eyes out counting down the hours till work was over. Then I hear excuse me, the first thought that popped in my mind was he needs steak sauce. I turned around to see this guy (Jay) on crutches, I asked how could I help him. He simply stated he wanted nothing but to tell me I was beautiful, as I blushed I thanked him and he walked away with the help of his crutches. Well to make a long story short he was transferring from VCU to Bowie State to play basketball...of course it would only be right that he meets the cheerleader. So I pretty much ignored his whole life the whole summer I never returned his calls or texts. Now fast forward to the beginning of the semester i'm walking through the gym, now who do you all think I see, of course I see Jay working out. We talked for a while everything was cool he was excited about the season and I was refreshed that he seemed so different.

Over the next few months we became pretty good friend talking each other through life struggles  relationship issues, school stress, our respective team drama. I learned he was a genuine person who once he called you a friend he would do anything he could for you. My point is that when you have amazing people in your corner you can do anything under the sun, and he has been nothing but AMAZING! Jay needs an award because he has truly been a blessing through everything. From the beginning he spent the long hours in the hospital with me entertaining me, bringing me my craved foods and being the shoulder I cried on when I was frustrated. My first surgery he stayed in the hospital all day with me. During my recovery he became my designated baby sitter, because my mom hated leaving me alone.

 My second surgery he did the same thing, the night before my surgery I threw a huge fit when he was about to leave because I didn't want him to leave me that bad and even though he had workouts in the morning he stayed and we slept in the twin sized hospital bed. I was comfortable, him on the other hand not so much. The next six days I was in the hospital so was he, whatever I needed he gave me. Of course my family has been there for me, but they kind of have to Lol. Jay on the other hand could have rolled out a long time ago.

The blessing in disguise I like to call him to my friends because he always wakes up think how can I put a smile on her face, and through all of it he has stayed by my side. I am a pain in the butt. I whine, I throw fits, i had nasty attitudes that makes it impossible for almost anyone to have the patience to deal with me. I fuss and fight with him, but at the same time it amazes me how much he loves me and how much he wants to be here for me. To sum it all up the lesson I'm trying tell ya'll is that when people come into your life its for a reason.

Trust and believe Jay and i had our fare share of drama and at one point in the past 3 years I wished I had never met him, because he was draining me of all life I had in me. Now in hindsight I wouldn't change a thing we have such a strong bond because of everything we have been through with each other, and for each other that has shaped our relationship to what it is today. Moral of the story you never know what or who your blessing is until life gets real and you see who is not only in your corner, but there to stay.

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Oh. Hey y'all !!!

Okay so I know you all hate my life because I have not posted since the 4th, but I did for some reason it posted under the dates I drafted which were in January, super random yeah I know I'm going to get my life together for you all. Okay! Now let me fill you in on the rest of the week of chemo last week. It was HORRIBLE! I was sick, and irritable the entire week, I had my usual Wednesday temper  tantrum, but Thursday was the absolute worst day of my life. I'm not even being dramatic. I had my wig appointment which went well. Me my mom and my sister acting silly trying on  wigs was just the laugh I needed to begin the morning, too bad chemo was going to absolutely SUCK! I had Lakisha put in my IV because she understands that I have rolling veins and I need special attention (I know i'm a total drama queen, but really my veins are rolling.) and then I felt like this -___________-

 I really don't know what happened, or why I felt so nasty, so fast but it was the worst day I had in a while. Not to mention that chemo took FOREVER! It was a long, very slow day. The car ride home, ehh ... not much better. Once I got home I just assumed my position in the couch, and hoped for the best, too bad I only got the worst. So from the terrible Thursday you would assume I was excited for Friday, not really I was more so excited to get my IV removed after chemo, and to be honest I was secretly hoping the sky would open and a gigantic crater would fall on the Sidney Kimmel Cancer Center, and they would tell me chemo is canceled.

 However,the universe wasn't quite aligned the right way so I went to chemo with a better attitude and did it ever pay off. I climbed up into the daybed ready to go straight to sleep and about 30 minuets into chemo I have someone that wants to meet me. Her name was Ali and she is making a documentary about cancer. So I told her my life story she instantly was intrigued by my journey we talked for about 2 hours before she left in attempts to get back to New York before the snow storm. Then before I knew it chemo was over, and I was a happy camper. But Friday when I got home, oh boy did it go bad. So you guys remember my cute little short cut, yeah it was holding on to dear life, and I started putting make-up on my scalp because I was getting a little thin. It was working though until my scalp was on FIRE because the make up was caked up on my scalp so Courtney decided we should wash my hair. Let me be the first to tell you the worst idea on the face of the planet. My hair fell all the way out. I cried and went directly to sleep.

The next morning I woke up, put a turban on, called Jay and off to the MAC counter we went. I told the girl at the MAC counter I had cancer, my hair is falling out because of chemo and I need to buy some make-up so I can feel better about myself. That mission was accomplished wonderfully. Now on Tuesday I must say I had the best surprise ever. That was from my doctors office. They sent me a beautiful basket of gifts All Teal :) so when I went to go drop by with a thank you card it was a true pleasure to see everyone supporting me by wearing teal ribbons. Ann even cut her already short hair a little shorter just for me. I know I say this in almost every post but I truly am amazed every single day by the support that I get every where I go. It is truly only the thing that keeps me going. So thank you everyone who has ever said a kind word to me or wished me well you have no idea how you are making me stronger everyday.


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Life's Accidents, and Lessons.

Dying changes everything. There’s the emotional fall out, sure, but there’s also the practical stuff. Who’s going to do your job? Who’s going to take care of your family? The only good thing for you is you don’t have to worry about it.  If only life was just a dress rehearsal and we had time for do-overs. We’d be able to practice and practice every moment until we got it right. Unfortunately, everyday of our lives is its own performance. It seems like even when we get the chance to rehearse and prepare and practice, we’re still never ready for life’s grand moments. 

Have you ever wished you had known someone just by the way people talk about them, with such eloquence and grace? 2 years ago I was able to meet someone who I had heard nothing but praises about for the Past year and a half. Jay introduced me to him mom 2 years ago. Although she passed in 2009, the energy I felt that day was seemingly unreal. Today as I’m remembering someone I only knew post humanous I can't help but feel somewhat dejected that those are as far as my memories go of someone I have heard was so amazing.  Have you ever been somewhere and you know you were supposed to be right there yeah that’s exactly what I was feeling like I was gaining knowledge from a great legend. As we sat down for a moment to spend time with her I thought down the line as to when I become a mother, how will I know the right thing to do or say to my child, will my child grow up hating me or will we be best friends. 

They say becoming a parent is one of the most rewarding yet draining jobs in the world. I can only imagine. Then I realized its not always about will I be doing the right thing. It's about love, the love you have for your child, and your family that will keep you doing the right thing time and time again. There are times in our lives when love really does conquer all. Exhaustion, sleep deprivation, anything. There are also those times when it seems love brings us nothing but pain, and we’re always looking for ways to ease the pain. Sometimes we ease the pain by making the best of what we have. Sometimes it’s by losing ourselves in a moment and sometimes, all we need to do to ease the pain is call a simple truce.

 Making mistakes is the easy part fixing them is where the difficulty comes in. Loving, and learning how to love better is the class we all fail occasionally. At the end of the day when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to someone. A parent, child, friend, or companion. So we do this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it’s usually a load of bull. We become defensive, we pick and choose who we want to remain close to and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by them. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping and sure sometimes close can be too close but sometimes that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.  They say death is hardest on the living. It’s tough to actually say goodbye. Sometimes it’s impossible. You never really stop feeling the loss. It’s what makes things so bittersweet. We leave little bits of ourselves behind, little reminders. A lifetime of memories, photos, trinkets. Things to remember us by even when were gone. 

No matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. We prefer to know, of course, whatever curve balls are coming our way. It’s the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our days and ever more our life. The people we never expected to show up, and the turn of events we would have never chosen or ourselves. All of a sudden, you find yourself somewhere you would have never expected to be and it’s nice or it takes some getting used to. So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, making your lists and hoping that, whatever accidents come your way, will be happy ones. I’m hoping these life accidents are happy ones.



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