Dying changes everything. There’s the emotional fall out, sure, but there’s also the practical stuff. Who’s going to do your job? Who’s going to take care of your family? The only good thing for you is you don’t have to worry about it. If only life was just a dress rehearsal and we had time for do-overs. We’d be able to practice and practice every moment until we got it right. Unfortunately, everyday of our lives is its own performance. It seems like even when we get the chance to rehearse and prepare and practice, we’re still never ready for life’s grand moments.
Have you ever wished you had known someone just by the way people talk about them, with such eloquence and grace? 2 years ago I was able to meet someone who I had heard nothing but praises about for the Past year and a half. Jay introduced me to him mom 2 years ago. Although she passed in 2009, the energy I felt that day was seemingly unreal. Today as I’m remembering someone I only knew post humanous I can't help but feel somewhat dejected that those are as far as my memories go of someone I have heard was so amazing. Have you ever been somewhere and you know you were supposed to be right there yeah that’s exactly what I was feeling like I was gaining knowledge from a great legend. As we sat down for a moment to spend time with her I thought down the line as to when I become a mother, how will I know the right thing to do or say to my child, will my child grow up hating me or will we be best friends.
They say becoming a parent is one of the most rewarding yet draining jobs in the world. I can only imagine. Then I realized its not always about will I be doing the right thing. It's about love, the love you have for your child, and your family that will keep you doing the right thing time and time again. There are times in our lives when love really does conquer all. Exhaustion, sleep deprivation, anything. There are also those times when it seems love brings us nothing but pain, and we’re always looking for ways to ease the pain. Sometimes we ease the pain by making the best of what we have. Sometimes it’s by losing ourselves in a moment and sometimes, all we need to do to ease the pain is call a simple truce.
Making mistakes is the easy part fixing them is where the difficulty comes in. Loving, and learning how to love better is the class we all fail occasionally. At the end of the day when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to someone. A parent, child, friend, or companion. So we do this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it’s usually a load of bull. We become defensive, we pick and choose who we want to remain close to and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by them. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping and sure sometimes close can be too close but sometimes that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need. They say death is hardest on the living. It’s tough to actually say goodbye. Sometimes it’s impossible. You never really stop feeling the loss. It’s what makes things so bittersweet. We leave little bits of ourselves behind, little reminders. A lifetime of memories, photos, trinkets. Things to remember us by even when were gone.
No matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. We prefer to know, of course, whatever curve balls are coming our way. It’s the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our days and ever more our life. The people we never expected to show up, and the turn of events we would have never chosen or ourselves. All of a sudden, you find yourself somewhere you would have never expected to be and it’s nice or it takes some getting used to. So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, making your lists and hoping that, whatever accidents come your way, will be happy ones. I’m hoping these life accidents are happy ones.