For when I am weak, thats when I am strong

I woke up from the anesthesia to a room full of people, totally out of it I pressed my morphine button and quickly went back to sleep. This cycle repeated until later that night. The next day I got the best surprise ever my grandmother had flown to take care of me. The next 6 days I stayed in the hospital everyone came to see me and stayed around and made me feel good. This time however the pain from surgery was so intense and I hadn't passed any gas so I had to walk around the hospital to try and pass gas, they gave me a suppository. Ugh! It was horrible needless to say. I came home and was feeling terrible it was worse than the first, but you know I had to go vote on election day, which was the easiest thing by far. Nobody questions someone who says they just had surgery and I walked straight to the front of the line to cast my vote.

Later that evening I called my doctors office complaining about the pain and nurse was telling me how luck I am that I caught Dr. Steren before he took his 3 week leave. See y'all thought I was crazy but it was the divine hand of God that allowed me to be ratchet and drive myself to the emergency room. Any who over the next month and a half my momo hung around the house with me, she made me walk around the kitchen island every chance she got. But of course there's always something and the universe hates me as usual I fell down the stairs, up the stairs, out the shower, in the shower and I feel like I fell out either the bed or a chair. Tragic near death experience that I have so frequently become a blur after a while. Back to my life in the early part of December I went to see Dr. Deborah Armstrong and John Hopkins University Hospital to discuss treatment options. She said the word I had been dreading Chemotherapy.

After she said that I really zoned out then after she added I will lose my hair,and I will undergo chemo for the next 4-6 months I turned on my selective listing. Honestly guys I was hurt off that news okay I'm going to break it down to you. Let's pretend were in a medical kitchen. Let's add a little rat poison, battery acid, cyanide, a dash of nuclear waste and bio hazardous material, last but not least a hint of kryptonite. Okay not really but that's what chemotherapy is straight POISON! From the moment I left that office I was determined to make the best of 2012 that was left and I did. I gave 2012 with all I've got. I had 2 surgeries in one year. My life should have been in shambles 2 times in one year. I should have been knocked down 2 times in one year but I wasn't. Here I am sitting on my couch blogging to you guys. Few things have gotten through this entire year and they are in this order God, my family and friends, and reality tv.

Yeah I know I didn't start off by giving honor to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but then again this is my blog and not yours. I had a short beefing period with God I'm going to be honest, I know you guys are like how dare she beef with God...well he knew we was beefin Oh but God in true fashion still loved me through my fake beef with him. 2 Corinthians 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. That verse is my life because at my weakest point by God's hand you have no idea how strong I am. Me getting out of bed in the morning is only by him giving me that strength, because really guys I wake up saddened every morning. Now my family they hate me, my friends hate me just because I drain them with my theatrics everyday, but without them I would have fallen after my first surgery. Reality TV, if you don't find it entertaining your dry and lifeless, and you have absolutely no sense of humor.Okay so here we are the night before I begin chemotherapy. I'm so scared for tomorrow. I'm nervous. I honestly don't want to go through this not in the slightest bit, so send up your prayers for me tomorrow because I already know I am going to be a train wreck. This is my last Sunday on the first Sunday of the year.

XOXO,
Marecya

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